Mindful Boundary: The Reality You Create

Meeting your girlfriend for lunch, you weren't quite expecting this... 

She arrives at the restaurant and takes a seat next to you at the table. Normally, she would embrace you with a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek, excited for a long overdue meal and a couple bevies with you, her bestie!

This time, she quickly sits down and puts her head in her hands and begins weeping. 

You quickly move your chair closer to hers and place your hand on her back and ask her "What's the matter?!" 

Mindful Check: From the moment your girlfriend walked in and sat down, without her even having said a word, you can FEEL similar feelings to which she is experiencing. Maybe sweaty hands, mind racing, chest tightness, and perhaps immediate tears?

She begins to tell you about her morning. 

She talks about how her husband goes running every morning and takes a shower before heading to work. He normally leaves his phone laying around, so nothing was out of the normal but she was just interested to see what his schedule looked like for the day. She had been planning a romantic evening for him and she wanted to be sure he could make it, should his schedule permit. She opened his phone to find a text message from an unknown number that read "I had an amazing time with you the other day! Let's make it happen again soon?"

She explained that she couldn't face him and that she doesn't know what to do. You tell her "I'm SO sorry!" She is leaning in to you asking "what should I do!?" You begin to give her ideas that might help her situations, trying to help- "if it were me..."

Mindful check: At this point, you are beginning to put narratives together that may or may not have happened or need to occur as a result of the findings. Not only might you be unintentionally making your friend worry more, but you are generating a force of energy that begins stimulating a reality for yourself that doesn't exists in your world, until now.

You see, the words you speak- even if you think they may be helpful to ease someone else's challenge- may actually be causing you more problems!

The words, thoughts, narratives, actions that we adopt, either intentionally or unintentionally (like this case- you think you're helping) speak to your ego. Your ego is the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity. So if you say, "I would be so upset!" while you maybe perhaps trying to console your friend, your ego is listening to EVERYTHING. 

You now have orchestrated a perception of reality that may be detrimental to you and your relationships.

For an example: After lunch, you find yourself in a highlight real of narratives surrounding the experience you just took part in with your girlfriend. You get home and just feel- UPSET- like you said. Later that evening over dinner, your partner receives a text message from an unknown number. You immediately bypass all logical explanations and go straight for the jugular... "WHO IS THAT? LET ME SEE!"

Mindful Checkin- At this point, your blood pressure has sky rocketed, your eyes see red and all you're thinking about it is all of the 'what I would do's' you told your friend over lunch.

Your partner shows you the phone and it's someone inquiring about his work services. Immediately, you feel embarrassed and now there is tension in the relationship because your partner feels as though trust has been sabotaged.

I use the word sabotage because this is what tends to happen in many areas of our life. The mind is a power source and is the energy responsible for creating and attracting the narratives that make up our reality. 

Let's go back to our situation with your girlfriend at lunch. How can you help her without sabotaging yourself? 

Instead of telling her what she 'should do' or how you would react or act in her situation, offer her an uplifting word of empowerment! "You are loved, please know that. You can handle this! Let's settle into your strength and poise right now. I am here to support you regardless of the outcome. I am always your biggest fan!"

When you empower others through your words, you are giving your ego permission to do the same for you. Should a similar situation occur for you- You know exactly how to step into your power.  Collect your narratives and shift into your power. What you know you're capable of!

Mindful Checkin- You Got This!