How to Use Your Emotions to Build a Closer Relationship with YOURSELF now!

Is it easier for you to put your emotions away or do you let yourself feel them until they no longer need to be felt?

You may be surprised to hear that most people learn at a very young age that there is some kind of benefit or reward for suppressing uncomfortable emotions. “If you want a snack, or time with the toys, or simply my attention at all, put it away.”

Of course, that may be over-exaggerating a bit, or not. Perhaps you’ve experienced a similar dialogue?

Others may say that expressing any emotion at all as a child was unsolicited, punished, or out of the question as a whole. No matter what the emotion, it would be greeted by numbness.

Could it have been that you grew up in an environment where you felt comfortable and learned to express yourself through emotion easily and naturally. But perhaps something happened in your life that may have been too difficult to cope with at the time and suddenly expressing emotions feels... all too dreadful.

Perhaps it may be that you're looking for a simple tool to help your clients, friends, or family member move through their tough emotions?

Whatever brought you here today, I’m thrilled to share a few simple steps with you today that can be put straight to good use when moving through any emotion, especially the more uncomfortable ones.

You may already know that suppressing emotion has been linked to illness, physical ailments, and poor thoughts and behaviors. I made mention of the famous quote from Dr. Henry Maudsley, “The feeling that cannot find its expression in tears will cause other organs to weep” in my previous blog post in regard to the physical symptoms emotional suppression can cause within the body. We see it not only wreak havoc on the physical body but the mental, emotional, and spiritual as well. Unprocessed emotions have been linked to cause dysregulation in the nervous system causing many symptoms such as anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder, hypersensitivity to light/sound/taste, insomnia, and many more.

We are beings of logic and reason as well as emotion. With that understanding, I do believe it takes a bit of trying to understand or interpret as well as ‘being’ and feeling. After all, what was the one thing we said often when we were kids that would drive our parents crazy… "but WHY?!"

As beings, we want to know why we are feeling a certain way, why we are doing what we are doing, and ways to help ourselves cope through life’s challenges so that we can enjoy the positive emotions that allow us to feel joy, happiness, and excitement in our lives. As we’ve learned or accepted to suppress the tough or troubling emotions, we also reciprocate the same response to the peaceful and happy ones. You can’t suppress the bad without also suppressing the good. 

So how can you both do and be at the same time when moving through your troubled emotions?

The three A’s.

Aware. Accept. Articulate.

Become aware of the feeling that you are feeling. “I am feeling sad. Angry. Wishy Washy. Depressed. Etc.” If you are unable to identify the emotions, you can always pinpoint where you are feeling it within your body. Becoming aware of the pressure, the pain, whatever the ‘uncomfortableness’ that you are feeling… allow yourself to become aware of it. “I am feeling pressure in my chest. Belly. Back. Shoulders. Etc.” As you become aware of the emotion or physical place it resides, it feels seen. The acknowledgment alone may help you move through it knowing that you’re aware that it’s present and trying to phase out naturally.

Accepting that we are feeling a certain way may be the most difficult for many that believe there may be repercussions for even allowing oneself to acknowledge it (hence the first step!). What may be helpful to know is that feelings never last, even the absolute best ones. They always pass and before you know it, they phase out as if they were never there. So, the simple statement of acceptance of the emotion or physical presence after becoming aware of it, “I can accept this feeling now because I know it will phase out soon enough.” This lets the emotion or physical presence know that you have tuned into it. Furthermore, you’re letting that emotion or physical presence know that it can process how it needs to in this moment but that you can expect its release sooner or later.

 Articulating the emotion or physical presence allows you to understand its association and how it may be playing a role in your life. It gives the feelings or physical presence a chance to express what they are about. Why they’ve risen or are present and what it might mean. “I feel sad each day that I pass a French bakery.” Beginning to understand the attachment or meaning of your awareness and acceptance of the emotion may help the emotion subside more quickly. Take a moment to access the environment that called upon the emotion you are experiencing using your senses. What do you smell, feel, hear, see, taste in that moment that may have called upon the emotion you are experiencing? “I feel sad each day that I pass a French bakery because my dad and I used to share chocolate croissants at a French bakery back home and I really miss him.” Articulating how the emotion is showing up for you, offers detachment from the WHY. Your mind will continue to trigger the old emotion until you look deeper into the meaning it offers you. The next time you pass the French bakery, you may find that sadness turned into happiness because you now understand that the sadness you felt is just because you miss your dad. And now instead of feeling sad, you can feel happiness each time you pass the French bakery as you remember your dads’ funny jokes about how alien-like the croissants look! 

And how does this help you build a better relationship with yourself? Well, think about how you are dealing with your emotions now? What are you picking up, using to avoid, or externally replacing those feelings with now? Could these three A’s ask you to look inward before you look outward? Do these three A’s help you to build a habit of relying on your amazing ability to cope now instead of relying on other people or things?

If you could implement this practice once a day for one month, for any emotion (start with the good ones if it’s easier) or physical presence of the emotion, I wonder how much more comfortable you will feel in your body? In your life? I wonder if you’ll experience a sense of trust, a build in confidence, an outpour of love for yourself that has been long withheld?

And just like the heaviness of a weight lifted each day over time becomes lighter, easier, more instinctual, consider these your mindful reps for positive change to thrive in your life. 

Even when it’s uncomfortable, it’s always a phase… just like the seasons. Not one ever the same. Let it go.

With ♥️, Stephanie